1st Week Back - Staff
Here they come.... and I'm not even talking about the students yet. I'm talking about your staff. You've probably already had about half of your staff show up to school to get into their classrooms but their official first day is coming. With that comes a very busy time for you as a principal. The week that staff returns I would not plan or schedule anything for myself. I would make myself available and accessible as much as possible. If you are new to the school most people will want to stop by and introduce themselves and gauge your personality. Some staff will have questions or needs. You need to make yourself available. You will definitely need to spend some time onboarding your new staff. Even though your district HR will do the general formal onboarding each school has its own orientation and welcome. My district scheduled five planning days for staff before school started. Two were for professional development, which included a Welcome Back meeting and activity and a Nuts and Bolts meeting the afternoon before school started to ensure safety and security needs were met for students. Three other days were strictly teacher workdays to prepare their classrooms. I was not allowed to hold meetings or training courses on those days. So, I would not only make myself open and accessible in the office, but I would also make my daily rounds and visit classrooms. I would take a pad of paper and pen and write down anything people needed. Then delivered on those needs if I could. Visiting classrooms also gave me a chance to see if classrooms were ready and were warm and inviting for students.
If you do not do anything else in the first week for staff, make these 3 things a priority.
1.) Open the Year with WOW!
Have an awesome theme for the school year. For your first meeting make it a fun off campus, team building event if you can. (I can write a whole book on how to create Wow! Reach out to me for ideas at principals4leadership@gmail.com)
2.) Be There!!!
Visit classrooms and make yourself available and accessible. Your staff will need you A LOT.
3.) Safe Send Off!
Hold a Nuts-and-Bolts type meeting the afternoon before school starts. Ensure that all areas of morning and afternoon supervision are covered. All safety protocols are reviewed and send off your staff to an awesome school year!
The buzz and excitement of the first week back for staff is the best time of the year. Be there for your people and have fun with it!
Next blog! -First Days of School-Students
First Things First
It's 2:00 A.M, I'm lying awake making a mental list in my head about all the things I need to do the next day, but that's not all. I mentally go over this list over and over, so I won 't forget when I wake up. Sometimes I write an important email over and over again in my head, so I won't forget. Does this sound familiar? For many it does. I tried keeping a notepad by the bed so when I wake up at 2:00 A.M. I can just get the thoughts out of my brain and onto paper. Mostly I kept the notepad at my vanity so as I got ready for work in the morning I would just "brain dump".
That worked for a while until my brain dumps became these messy endless lists that were not prioritized. The lists mixed home life and work life stuff so the brain dump list became overwhelming. I had to do something to keep it all straight.
First thing I had to do was to understand how my daily tasks are actually broken down. Stephen Covey revisited President Eisenhower’s 4 quadrant theory of time management in his book First Things First. The 4 quadrants are broken down in the illustration in this blog. It basically divides your tasks in urgent or not urgent and important and not important. Later Stephen Covey partnered with Franklin Quest planners and developed the Franklin Covey time management system. For years I used this system as it not only helped me prioritize my tasks using the 4 quadrants but also helped me identify the many roles I held in life and helped to balance it all. This planning system takes work but has been my most used and successful system. I know many people use electronic calendars and I did too. Electronic calendars combined with a paper planning system is optimal. The electronic system ensured and reminded me of meetings and appointments. The paper planning system helped me plan and prioritize.
For about a year I switched to a planning system called Define My Day. This system also defined my roles and organized around priorities but added personal reflection each day as well as daily practices to form good habits to become a better person overall.
John C. Maxwell also has a planning system. I have not used that one but most planning systems you will find follow the 4-quadrant theory. As a principal or any leader whatever you use, use same thing. A simple calendar won't cut it.
A few years ago, I coached a person seeking to become an assistant principal. The biggest area she needed to grow in was time management. She frequently forgot meetings, showed up late. She had a hard time balancing family life with her professional life. We discussed many times the need for her to spend the beginning of the week mapping out her week. As a school administrator you can't thrive in chaos and be successful. Your day will be chaotic, but YOU have to be organized and methodical with your daily, weekly and monthly tasks. The topic of time management could be a whole course and a great coaching series. As you work to develop your system here are a few things to consider.
1.) Time Management takes TIME.
I used to use Sundays to plan out my week. I looked at my week and planned out all of my tasks. For example: If my team leader meeting was Friday, I scheduled time to work on the agenda. I also kept a running list of topics for the agenda as ideas and needs popped up.
2.) It’s OK to Combine Systems
Digital calendars are great to keep you on schedule, but a paper planner is called a “planner” because you have to "plan" ahead.
3.) Always Think Ahead
As a leader it is important to always be one step ahead in your planning. Not just for the week but next month, next quarter and even next year. In January of every school year, I already started planning for the next school year. At that time, I had one foot in the current school year and one in the next school year.
4.) Write it Down
Have a way to write down thoughts that come to you. I was notorious for having an idea while I was in the shower. I would immediately write it down when I got out. Ever have a thought or idea while driving? I have found that using the Notes App in my cell phone is the best place. Mostly because I can also speak into the app while on the run. However, you get those ideas out of your brain do it.
Your time management can make you or break you. As a leader you need to always appear to be put together, organized, methodical, and intentional. If this is an area you struggle with get help. Get help from someone you know who is successful with time management or find yourself a coach. I provide coaching in this area so feel free to reach out to me if you would like to work in this area.
Next blog- 1st week - When Staff Returns
Begin with the End in Mind!!
Okay so you've got your office set up, your prepared to meet your basic physiological needs at school, and you are all settled in. Now the other big question to ask yourself is what do I hope to accomplish here at XYZ school? What do you want your impact to be? What do you want your legacy to be? You more than likely already defined and communicated your purpose as you prepared for interviews and the principal selection process. What you will soon find out is that within your first year as a school leader these questions will be much clearer and more solidified.
When I started my first role as a principal it was the middle of the school year on December 1st. I was named the “interim” principal because the principal before me was removed and demoted for various issues. The staff was seriously divided, and morale was extremely low. When I was introduced to the staff there were a few chuckles and the comment, “How long will it take us to get rid of this one?”. I knew this was going to be tough. My assistant superintendent at the time, told me to not change anything and concentrate on just building relationships. I remember thinking, “ok, sounds simple enough, I can do that.” After only a week I soon discovered it was not going to be that simple. I had two main purposes that ended up driving me then and eventually the rest of my career. I believed my purpose was twofold. One was to provide a safe and secure environment for staff and students. Second was to ensure that the person standing in front of the classroom was most talented and well-developed teacher I could find. These two statements encompassed so many aspects of what was needed at that school and eventually at all the schools I led.
I visualized those two statements as an umbrella covering all of my responsibilities and day to day tasks. For example: under providing a safe and secure environment comes managing your facilities and aesthetics of your school, having strong safety procedures that work and are constantly reviewed and practice, providing mental and emotional safety and security by creating systems of building relationships and a sense of belonging and sources of appreciation. Under ensuring that teachers have the talent and development needed to successfully reach all students looks like feedback to walks and observations, determining staff development needs and creating a plan for ongoing growth and even how to manage difficult employees. Those two statements that I lived by served as a filter for my decisions. It helped to reduce the outside noise and increase my intentional focus.
Before the year begins think about what you want the end of the year to look like and what your role will be in that vision. Steven Covey calls it “Begin with the End in Mind in his book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. Create a visual for yourself as constant reminder or create phrase or mantra you can memorize. I have provided my visual example to give you an idea. Next week I’ll talk about time management.
Start with YOU!!
As you begin your new adventure as a principal it’s important to take care of a few things first to help you get adjusted and be ready when staff and students arrive. When the staff arrives, you won't have time to take care of these things, but they should be in place to help you be successful.
In my many years working in Title One schools with large number of disadvantaged students, we believed Maslow’s Hierarchy of Human Needs theory. Most educators subscribe to this theory which basically means that our most basic need is for physical survival, and that survival needs must be satisfied before the individual can satisfy the higher needs. The first need is physiological needs; like food and sleep. That basic need motivates our behavior. If these needs are not satisfied, the human body cannot function optimally. Maslow considered physiological needs the most important as all the other needs become secondary until these needs are met.
When students showed up to school struggling to begin their day, the first question we would ask them was "Are you hungry? Did you eat this morning?" Nine times out of ten, the answer was no. We would immediately take care of that need and always have food readily available in the front office. Students can't focus on learning unless they have something to eat for breakfast. We had ‘to go’ meals for students in the front office that the cafeteria staff would prepare for any late students to take back to the classroom. Just because they were late didn't mean they were late due to eating breakfast, the opposite was typically the case. I say all of this to tell you, because when things get crazy busy at school, you need to eat and nourish your body. Just like students with their learning, you can't focus on leading and making sound decisions without nourishing your body. Nobody wants to deal with a hangry principal. So set yourself up in your office. Get a small refrigerator in your office for your drinks and snacks. Stock it with plenty of water. Even some water you can offer those who visit you in your office. Get plenty of snacks like nuts and crackers. Grabbing a handful of nuts to tide you over when you are running out the door to classrooms will go miles for you. If you are a coffee or tea drinker, stock your office with those items so you don't have to search all over campus for a drink. Get your own coffee pot too.
Now as a principal it is important to also take care of your body. A good office chair helps, even if you must buy your own because we all know what school furniture is like. It’s worth buying your own and an investment, even though you may not sit long it's nice to have a place to take a load off at the end of the day. Speaking of being on your feet all day. You must invest in shoes that are comfortable. It’s hard and can be expensive but find what you like, and can live with style wise and get a few pairs in different colors. I kept a couple of pairs of shoes under my desk to change into if needed. It always reminded me of Mr. Rogers from the TV show Mr. Rogers Neighborhood. He would come home and change out of his dress shoes into sneakers. I always kept a pair of sneakers, a pair of flats, a pair of nice dressy shoes and rain galoshes. You just never know who’s going to show up and visit or when you will be running around in the rain. Mr. Rogers also used to change out of his outdoor jacket into a sweater. He got comfortable. I always saw that as his way of getting comfortable and ready to learn. I kept a sweater (office usually was freezing), a rain jacket and a basic black suit jacket behind my door. For men I also suggest an extra dress shirt and tie, you never know, you just might need to change into a fresh shirt.
Now that most of your physiological needs are prepared for the last thing, I would say, is important to set up for yourself is a comfortable, functioning work environment. Your office space will serve as many things throughout the school year. It will be a place of respite and quiet from time to time, but also a hub for staff and parents to visit. Think of it like your living room. It's important to move in and move in completely uninterrupted. You don’t want to set up your office halfway then by Christmas break have to finish the rest. Give yourself about 2 days to fully move in. I also strongly suggest doing it on a weekend when no one is around and it’s quiet. If you try to set up your office during the week, even though it’s summertime, you still have lingering staff that want to come chat and summer programs going on. Custodians and secretaries that will need your full attention. You will be happy that you took the 2 extra days during the weekend to set up your office. You won't feel stressed about getting that done. You will want to make sure that you are fully present when people come to see you during your work hours. People come first. You will also need to focus on your hiring and getting your people in the right places. We will talk about the people in another blog but for now take care of YOUR basic needs first. Your nourishment, your creature comforts, your physical needs, being comfortable and your physical space are all important so that you can charge ahead and be ready for anything. Start with you!!
Next week's blog: Your purpose and first things first!
You’re a Principal, Now What?
You've made it through the interview process or some kind of selection process to become a principal. You celebrated! You told your family and friends! You posted on social media! The keys to the school are in your hands! Now what?
Your first steps and deciding where to start can be overwhelming and exciting all at once.
My first days as a principal have been different each time I started at a school. I've started in the middle of the school year, in the spring, and two weeks before school started. All starting places all required a different approach to leading a school. For the sake of my "You’re a principal, now what?" leadership blog series I am going to talk about where to start, what to do and what to expect in your first year as principal in real time.
It is now June; the previous school year is completed, and you are now in your new role. Where do you start? Stay tuned each week as I blog about what to expect and where you should be in your first year as a principal.
Buckle up and enjoy the ride!
Next week’s blog feature: "Start with you!"
RESET (Part 2) - How You Reset)
RESET (Part 2) - How You Reset)
RESET (Part 2) – How to Reset
In part one I discussed how my team came up with a code word to signal to the rest of the team that they need a moment to reset their mindset. When our mindset is not open and ready for communication, we need to change that. We chose the code word “reset” as our signal to the team. In this blog I am going to discuss how does a person actually “reset” after you said, “I need a reset”. These are just a few ways I reset.
1.) Breathe. We tend to hold our breath when we are overwhelmed and frustrated. Breathing slows everything down and allows you to clear your brain. If we hold our breath because we are upset about something our brains are not clear and open for communication. Our brains need oxygen. As a school principal, I am constantly in a state of emotional influx. From dealing with an angry parent to a child coming to read to you because they are proud of their progress. A leadership coach once told me to center myself through breathing deeply in between these large influxes of emotion. I also had a friend come into my office once and place a stickie note on my phone that says “breathe.” It reminded me that before I answered that phone to breathe and clear my brain. Stop. Breathe. Reset.
2.) Find a Quiet Place. For me that’s the bathroom. I go in there, wash my hands, use the bathroom, dry my tears, breathe, straighten myself up. I have my little pity party and move on. Sometimes it’s a quick cry or a look in the mirror at myself. A little self talk too.
3.) Listen to Powerful Inspirational Music. I like to do this in my car. I take a quick drive to get some lunch or a ride around the block. Blast some music. Sometimes your reset is not coming from something difficult but going into to something difficult and you need a clear mind. Maybe you need to reset your confidence level. You might need to be inspired. The one song I listened to when I needed to prepare for a difficult meeting was “Dig Down” by Muse. Blast it loud. Sing Along.
4.) Pray or Meditate. This is always a good time to correct your self-talk from negativity. We can’t problem solve very clearly when we are in a negative mindset. Reverse that self-talk to something more positive. Kind of like, “Stop it Wendy, you got this, c’mon girl’!
I am sure you do have ways you reset. Identify your ways to reset. It may be a walk or exercise. Either way it’s important to find your ways to reset and go to them when needed.
RESET (Part 1)
RESET (Part 1)
RESET (Part 1)
The other day my leadership team and myself had to "rumble" a communication issue amongst ourselves. “Rumble” is a term Brene’ Brown uses in her book Dare to Lead. “ A rumble is a discussion, conversation, or meeting defined by a commitment to lean into vulnerability, to stay curious and generous, to stick with the messy middle of problem identification and solving, to be fearless in owning our parts, and as psychologist Harriet Lerner teaches, to listen with the same passion with which we want to be heard.” -“ Let’s Rumble” – Brene’ Brown Website Article, May 1, 2019.
Our responsibilities in our leadership roles often has us experiencing frustration and a feeling of being overwhelmed. What we discovered was that it is difficult to communicate to someone in that emotional space. It is very easy to have an emotional reaction which causes a block in communication. What we decided we needed was like a "safe word" if you will. A word to signal to the rest of the team “I'm not in a good place right now to have a discussion”. We decided on the word "reset " or “I need a reset”. This would simply signify to the other person or the team that we need a moment to get our mindset and emotions right to be fully present in our discussion and be able to give and receive information in the conversation. (See Reset Part 2 on How to Reset) We used this word because earlier in the day I had received a phone call from someone who proceeded to tell me how I should have handled a situation and how I should do my job. I was polite and thanked him for his feedback but inside I was seething. I got off the phone and just went on and on about this phone call. It was the beginning of the day and someone on my team took one look at me and said you need a "reset". I literally stopped in my tracks and said, “You know what, you’re right”. So, I took a deep breath, let it go and had a better mindset for the rest of the day. It is important for any leadership team to be a seen as a high functioning team. We have to have each other’s back and there will be times one of us is off. Find your word or signal with your leadership team. For us it’s the first step towards creating a high functioning team but allows team members the time and space to process issues emotionally as they arise.
A leaders emotions play a huge factor in an organizational culture. As human beings we feed off one another's energy and energy is fueled by emotion and attitude. One person, yes one person can affect an entire organization and it starts from the top. The energy and emotion a leader displays sets the tone for everyone else. But as a leader, we cannot understandably always be happy and chipper every single day. After all, we are human beings too. As leaders we are expected to be this perfectly positive, all knowing, happy, go get ’m person. But like everyone else, we have days where we are not at our best. Days where we wear our hearts on our sleeve or when small stressors trigger big reactions. As leaders we must learn to manage those stressors in life to be able to set a positive tone in the organization. It’s kind of the like the saying, “If mama aint happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
Several years ago, I had an exciting opportunity that at the time was a career high for me, but shortly after receiving this opportunity my personal life unraveled. I had a lot of days when my best self was not present. The new opportunity presented itself with some stressors I was not prepared for. It was a lot for me both personally and professionally and at times the two worlds collided, and my emotions were difficult to manage. That year of turmoil I learned a huge lesson… my emotional state affected my leadership state.
How does a leader lead effectively during a challenging season of life? Here are a few ideas to help you show up ready to present your best self to your organization.
1.) Recognize your triggers
Often our emotional reactions are triggered by a stressor. Could be something someone says to us. Could be the hundreds of emails in your inbox from a day away from the office. Could be that employee that can be super needy when you do not have the time, patience, or energy for them. Identify those stressors that trigger a negative feeling. Figure out how to work through it productively and tell yourself, "I am not going to let that get to me today.”
2.) Identify a confidant.
Find someone who will listen to you without judgement. Someone who is willing to not only sympathize with you but also tell you to “snap out of it,” If needed. Someone you can call on your way to work or on your way home from work. Someone who has your back and has absolutely no connection to your workplace. It could be a family member, mentor, coach, pastor, or best friend. You know who they are in your life. Talking through your challenges help you to hear yourself, process through those stressors and reset yourself to move forward.
3.) Write it out.
I am a huge proponent of journaling. I journal every morning sometimes just 3 to 5 sentences, just to get my thoughts out of my heart and brain. When I am feeling crappy, I write about that. If I am feeling excited and hopeful, I write about that too. It is a way to remove negative inner thoughts and process through and manage those stressors.
4.) Pause/ Sleep on it.
Whenever something is troubling me at the end of a long day or a big decision is looming, rather than acting on it right away, I might sleep on it. Unless it is an urgent matter, you can always take your time to think it through. There is no rule that you must have a solution or answer right away. Pause and be intentional.
5.) Breath.
As a leader we often go from very difficult emotional conversations to a positive interaction. I had a leadership coach teach me once how to take a few seconds to consciously breath and recenter myself before moving to the next the interaction. For example, I have had times when I just finished a difficult or emotional interaction and my phone rings. I will not answer it if I am not emotionally ready. Of course, I respond to it later but that is what voicemail is for. I even have a sticky note on my office phone that says "BREATH!” A reminder to recenter before answering the phone.
These 5 tools are not a perfect or a complete list, but they are ways to deal with stressors that can trigger an emotional response. Don’t get me wrong, I still have moments where I haven't reacted the way I should, but its important first and foremost to be conscious of your emotional responses, apologize, learn from it and move on.
Live…Learn…Love…Lead
Principals4Leadership.com
“Feelings, nothing more than feelings.”
Recovery
Last year around this time I seriously embarked on beginning a leadership development business. Principals4Leadership. A business to provide coaching, training, and speaking to new and aspiring leaders. I was excited and began working on a format and building content. I started strong and had written several blogs, a few published and many unpublished. I lost my confidence and I lost it bad. I lost it working in a toxic environment. Someday when I am ready, I will write about that journey but for now, I am focused on recovering and regaining my confidence. The following blog I wrote during my healing process and now 6 months later, I am ready. I am ready to share, teach and inspire.
I am a student of all thing’s leadership. I collect and read books, listen to podcasts, attend professional conferences, collect quotes, and teach about leadership. But with all that knowledge of how leadership should look, feel, and sound nothing prepared me for working in a toxic environment. So toxic that I began to take on the toxic traits from others. It didn’t matter what I knew or who I was as a person. The stakes were high and there was huge pressure that my livelihood would be being taken away from me. The toxicity invaded me and then unintentionally oozed out from me. Something had to give and what gave was my physical and mental health. I am rebuilding who I am as a leader but had to take care of few things first.
I am and have been a highly effective leader. I had to dig deep and find that leader in me again, but first healing. Healing from a toxic work environment takes time. First, the physical health comes first. Working in a toxic work environment can cause a huge amount of stress. Two years ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I wonder now if that is when the first signs of the effects of stress were surfacing. Studies have shown that stress contributes to cancer growth. That same year I was treated for breast cancer I also had to have a parathyroid removed because was wreaking havoc on the calcium levels in my body. I developed stress hives and most recently RLS (restless leg syndrome) with at times, crippling leg cramps. My health was failing at every turn and luckily, I am being treated by a medical doctor who by the way believes that acute stress caused my ailments. So, my physical wellbeing came first. Afterall, health is wealth.
Next came mental health healing. I had to remove myself from the environment. Switching jobs and going back to what I love and where I had been successful was vital for my recovery. This was very painful for me because I believed I had accomplished so much, and my pride wasn’t letting go. Toxic work environments will not change unless the toxic leadership leaves. I thought I could wait it out, but I could not. The toxicity caused me to take on toxic traits just-like-the-toxic leader. I was projecting the leader’s treatment of me to others. Now, some may say, if you were such a strong leader, you should have been able to be strong enough and shielded yourself and your team from all that. You were not mentally tough enough. Well, I started out strong. I shielded my team from the toxicity but over time it wore on me. I became personally consumed by it and when I was so focused on my own survival, my team suffered. Despite my accomplishments and my pride, there came a point when walking away was the only thing I could do.
Finally, I needed to heal spiritually and rediscover who I truly was as a leader. I had to recognize where it all went wrong. I had to realize what I needed to fix and bring back my leadership heart. I had to breath. I had to forgive myself and not beat myself up. I had to let go and move on. I brought back who I was as a person. I brought back who God created me to be and not the person I had become.
I am and always have been Wendy. I am fearless, courageous, smart, inspiring, and creative.
My leadership business is Principals4Leadership – Leadership Lessons from the Inside Out – Live, Learn, Love, and Lead. This was my vision and dream a year ago and is now its even more fitting. My plan is to share my experiences, learning, and lessons for others. I want to connect with others because I believe it is important for leaders to share with one another. Follow me this year as I share more.
Leading By Example
There I was, not even 30 years old yet and it was my first day of school. Yes, it was my first day of school…..as an assistant principal. Let me tell you I thought I had arrived. After 6 years teaching in the classroom. After earning my Masters’ degree in Educational Leadership, I thought I had arrived. I had worked hard to get to that point in my career. I had exchanged my classroom for my very own office. That first day as an assistant principal I had on my best suit, my best shoes, hair done, I was ready. Little did I know that my idea of “arriving” would come to a screeching halt and I would learn a very powerful leadership lesson that day. It would be a lesson that 20+ years later I still carry with me every single day.
Judy was the principal who hired me and gave a very green, just out of the classroom teacher a chance at school administration. Judy was what we all called “old School”. She had been around a while and ran a successful elementary school for many years. She was a great mentor, friend and sometimes like a second mom to me.
So that first day of school was also the first day of school for our students. The morning went well once we ensured all the students got to their classrooms and settled in. At around 11:00 a.m. that morning Judy came to my office and said to me “Let’s go”. I responded to her by asking, “Oh, where are we going?” She said, “Lunch duty”. I was dumbfounded. In my mind I am thinking “lunch duty”. All of the assistant principals I had worked with never did lunch duty. At least as far as I knew. That had never been modeled for me. Well, I followed her to the cafeteria and entered just as 120+ Kindergarten children would be eating lunch for the first time in a large room, together. We have two words in education about those Kindergarteners during that first week of school, Herding Cats. There were 5 years olds crying, some confused and some had no idea where to go and what to do with a tray of food. So, we jumped in and began herding them to their appropriate tables. Opening milk cartons, ketchup packets, retrieving napkins and plastic ware. It wasn’t long before a shy little girl spilled her milk all over the floor. I looked over to our head custodian to get his attention. He was manning the trash cans for students to dump their trays and was surrounded by 5 Kindergartners who didn’t know what to do. Before I could do anything, Judy walked over to where he was and grabbed the mop and bucket and brought it over to the spilled milk. She wrung out the mop and began to clean the mess up. As she was mopping and without even looking at me, she says, “Never ask anyone to do something you are not willing to do yourself”. At that moment, I thought how profound and meaningful. I was immediately humbled. It didn’t matter that she was also in a nice suit and heels. It didn’t matter that she had the title of principal. She just did it because we were all there for the students. If one of them had slipped in the milk and gotten hurt we would’ve never heard the end of it. Her example that day is embedded in my mind and later when I became a principal, I tried to model that same example. Whether it was stacking chairs after a night event, directing cars at dismissal during a Florida afternoon thunderstorm or dumpster diving for a student’s retainer they threw away (this last one was my husband’s story when he was a principal) it always speaks volumes to the people who work for you. It shows them that you are willing to do whatever it takes. It shows them that they don’t work FOR you, they work WITH you.
“It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
The Box of Tissues
When I was a school principal and even today, I always kept a box of tissues on my desk. Not necessarily for me, but I made them accessible at the edge of my desk for all who visited my office. I would also often offer a tissue to a person who was tearfully pouring their heart out. Whether it was a staff member, a parent, or a student, most of the time it was the only thing I could offer in those awkward moments.
I think the offering of a tissue symbolizes sympathy, empathy, and support. The gesture says, "I'm here for you", "I'm listening", "I get it!” We as human beings, leaders, parents, spouses, friends etc. often feel the need to fix it or offer a resolution when someone is emotionally upset. I found myself twice this week in this situation and felt completely helpless. I had nothing to offer to fix the problem. I was speechless but I felt like I had to do something.
The best I could do was offer a tissue. Well…. I also offered a chair, an open heart, and a sympathetic ear.
The stories that were told were emotional out of frustration and feelings of being overwhelmed. Frustrations with life’s troubles that are often out of our control and there’s nothing like a good messy cry to make us feel better. One person was having repeated, aggravating car trouble, another was not able to log into a very important tech platform to meet a deadline. Now, I'm not a mechanic or an IT person, so I said have a seat, here’s a tissue. I listened and offered sympathy. I didn’t or couldn’t solve their problems, but I could offer “shoulder to cry on” so to speak. As leaders, just be there! Offer a safe place for a good cry or a minute to take a breath and a chance for the person reset. The pressures of the world today can cause us to reach an emotional boiling point at times and that’s ok. We have all been there, it's human nature. Doesn't mean we are weak, sometimes we just need a release when trying to hold it all in.
Being able to provide a gesture of care, understanding and support. Something as small and subtle as offering a tissue means so much. I've seen tissues sop up tears, shredded into pieces and my entire tissue box get emptied in a matter of minutes.
As human beings we need to be there for each other especially in those moments of release. Not to solve each other’s problems or offer advice but just to be there, to be present and to offer that tissue.
Happy New Year!
January 2nd, 2022
Two days of 2022 is in the books and we are on our way to a year of hope, health, love, and success. Every year I give a lot of thought to the new year and what I want to accomplish for the year. I try to not set typical new year’s resolutions not sure why, maybe it’s because I think it’s cliché’ and often people including myself set their resolutions to high and by day 15 of the new year they fail. In fact, typically 45% of Americans set new year’s resolutions and only 8% actually stick with them and accomplish them. I researched where this idea of new year’s resolutions came from and believe it or not it goes back 4,000 years ago to the ancient Babylonians. They were the first to hold recorded new year’s celebrations. Back then they celebrated in March when the crops were planted rather than January. They made promises to their God’s to repay their debts and return objects they borrowed. These promises were considered what we now called resolutions. Then when Julius Caesar changed the calendar in 46 BC, to the new year beginning on January 1st the Romans offered sacrifices to the deity and made promises of good conduct for the coming year. Again, similar to resolutions. In 1740 clergyman John Wesly who founded the Methodist church created the Covenant Renewal Service which takes place either on New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day. The service includes readings from Scriptures and hymn singing and serves as an alternative to raucous new year’s celebrations.
Starting a new year always brings feelings of change, hope and renewal. There is nothing wrong with setting a vision for the year ahead but once you do that, you really have to be strategic in how you want to see the vision come to fruition.
Back in 2020 I set a goal to obtain my professional human resource certification, PHR. Once I made that proclamation I set a reasonable date and registered for the test. Doing that insured that I would have to make it happen. Having an actual date set helped me to strategically plan my studying and test preparation. That goal was challenged at times and I had thoughts of postponing the date. Especially when the pandemic hit and news of my breast cancer diagnosis. It was hard to maintain the focus some days, but I persevered and kept the date and lo and behold, I did it. That day when I walked out of the testing center with the folded print out of the results, I went in the rest room and opened it. I cried. It was such a relief and a huge sense of accomplishment for me especially since later that afternoon I was to begin my first radiation treatment. It was a poignant moment I’ll never forget.
Now here we are in 2022, two days in and I am beginning to think about what is my big goal, the big vision I wish to accomplish this year. Well shortly after I completed my radiation treatment I decided to take on what I call the next chapter of my life. With 29 years in with the school district I am in the last quarter of my education career. Now and when I can retire, I still want to accomplish great things so I decided to do something I have always dreamed of doing……becoming a professional speaker and coach. I became a John Maxwell Team Member and I am currently training to be a certified speaker, coach and trainer. In my spare time I have been learning how to speak and inspire others. I have been feeding my brain with the John Maxwell leadership philosophy and my hope is to encompass my experiences as a principal and leader to inspire others to lead with purpose and hope. The big goal is to start my own professional speaking, coaching and training business. There is so much to do to move this vision forward but I have engaged daily in an intentional planning practice to keep me focused and my eye on the ball. I have used the Franklin/Covey time management system for many, many years but for several months I have started using a system called Define My Day. It helps me to focus on three main priorities each day and create greater balance with my goals. One of the 3 priorities is called Next Chapter and that is where I ensure that each day I spend time moving my goal forward. It’s a way to be strategic on a weekly and daily basis.
As you plan for a great new year for 2022, I strongly encourage you to adopt some kind of daily planning system for yourself to build long lasting habits. Choose your big goals for the year and then break it down in step by step daily priorities. Define My Day is a great system. If you are interested visit www.definedlife.com or find the podcast called Defining Life with Nick Boris. Each day I reflect on how I accomplished my main priorities. There a days I don’t get there. Work can take a lot of my time and energy, so I move the priority to the next day. Each week I set up what are called milestones to accomplish for the week. It has helped me take on a large goal or vision and make I happen. If you have made resolutions, write them down and begin to strategically plan each week to accomplish that vision. You can call it a resolution, a goal or a vision. Stephen Covey referred to a vision as “Beginning with the End in Mind”. Where do you see yourself? I see myself leading, sharing my stories and inspiring others to be leaders. No matter what, be that 8% that actually make it happen! You can do it!
Happy New Year!